Eclectic Waters

will not be remembered in years to come - i will wake up and forget what could have been

today would not have made a good wedding day anyways

when i go to bed tonight i will leave the regret and pain in a small pile under my bed and will forget to take it with me when i move -

why cling to the past when there is so much that is coming my way, just around the corner - good things

after eating my cereal and lifting the bowl to my lips to drink the last of the milk

i pulled out my “personal conversations” journal, which is my ‘get naked’ before God book - reminding myself not to hide from the one who already knows me

i wrote and then my mind drifted off - forgetful

when it finally came drifting back upstream i began to talk to him -

I sat there with my Daddy and all the defenses faded into the ground - i was weak before him, and like you said, A. Ellen - he was there

I trust Him - with my love, my life, my relationships. my dreams - my future

and even, with this day that will not last and that will be quickly forgotten…

i am glad memories fade with time -

there are some memories not worth remembering…

Today could have been my wedding day.

The fog that been lathering San Diego every morning this week was gone this morning and I relaxed as the crisp sky and sun rays met my eyes when I stepped outside.  Driving to work I listened to Rachael’s ipod which I “borrowed” from her room yesterday. She has good taste.

Last night I listened to it on my way back from the church, where I spent some quality time typing the ideas that finally came to me about how to write people’s stories. After I got home and had read for an hour (one of Seinfeld’s books of comic anecdotes), with Tag cuddled up next to me, who was lonely after a long day alone, I turned the volume of the ipod up and flipped through to my favorite songs - and yes, its true - danced around like a crazy woman.

was ingenious. He used a billboard to depict God and his all-seeing eyes. I thought of him when I saw her.

The road was dark as I drove home tonight but then her face leered out of the darkness, pale skin against the shadows. A huge billboard with, of course, a blond woman on it. I would call her beautiful, but the image was very flat. There was no personality - okay, so she has nice lips, heavily make-uped eyes and flawless skin, so what?!

I thought of my friends and their faces - their faces have blemishes, pimples, scars… you name it - but it is their faces and eyes that capture their personaility - i have seen their faces laughing, crying, joking, talking… when i look at their faces, i see the contours but there faces have layers and i see their emotion, their souls - i am transported beyond their shape-

like water, suddenly still

revealing the wide span of a yellow fish

to dream?