Eclectic Waters

Living with my roomate and seeing the discouragement, stress and dogged tiredness in her eyes makes me angry at the system that would do this to a bright, hopeful and strong young person - suck the life right out of them and then ask them at the end of their day when they are about ready to fall to the ground and bang their fist against the earth, about summer school. Well actually, it gets better, when she tells them she can’t make the decision today but that if they push her for a decision it will be no, they ask her what is wrong…

I’ll tell you what is wrong…

First year teachers being given classes outside of their training and gifting - being made to carpool themselves and their materials from classroom to classroom with no place to organize, strategize and settle themselves - the lack of support in the system. “We’ll help you…” is followed by short meetings and then followed by “what’s wrong” when you continue to struggle; the fact that teaching is such a zoo that many veteran teachers worry only about themselves, having finally succeeded in managing this time/life consumming profession they have no time for those who have no idea where to begin, and then don’t even get me started on administration who does not even know how to do a lesson plan

bitter - me

not at all -

angry - extremely

and that is why i no longer teach - although the fact that certain aspects of it lay distinctly outside of my gifting has something to do with it too

When I meet teachers, I hold my tongue and hurt for what they will experience in terms of stress and frustrations — and I look for places to support and lend a hand to them. They need it.

The bright yellow cover of the book caught my eyes as I walked in the double glass doors of Borders. I picked it up and began flipping through the pages. Various celebrities talked about the book that had influenced them the most. The first book mentioned was A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. I’ve seen the movie. My Dad and little sister read it together and it is one of the first books I remember her falling in love with.

Closing the book I tried to decide which book had influenced me the most. I thought of Beloved by Toni Morrison and a couple others. Suddenly I remembered the Bible. I could feel my heart sinking to the floor. “I don’t think I would pick the Bible,” I selfconsciously whispered to God.

The books I love are the ones that strike right to my core through describing something I have felt or known unconsciously and suddenly it emerges on the page, written by a stranger, in vibrant language and through a story that pulls you in like a strong tide. The images, memories and characters captured on the paper live on in my brain. They become like my best friends and I can imagine them walking around and instinctively know what they would do or say in certain situations. I imagine them with life continuing their lives beyond the pages of the book. While there are certain stories and some characters in the Bible that have moved into my imagination and heart, most of them remain flat on the page because of the abrupt style of the stories that does not grant my mind enough color or detail.

But these are side points - what struck me the most yesterday was the deep sadness I felt when I realized how untouched I remained by the Bible’s stories and people. They have influenced me less than some of Isabel Allende’s characters.

“Look at this,” she held a check up for us to see. “Romeo and Juliet, that’s their names.”

“Oh, how cute,” all the representatives exclaimed.

“I’m going to change our names,” Julie joked talking about her and her husband.

I bet they get annoyed at everyone telling them how cute it is, I thought. And that got me thinking. What if the play of Romeo and Juliet had ended differently.

— Alternative Ending

Juliet wakes up before Romeo kills himself. They run away and get married, but because they have run away they have no inheritance. Romeo finds meanial work trying to provide money and shortly after they are married Juliet becomes pregnant…

If they lived in today’s world I wonder if they would make it past the infatuation stage. Once they came off the high of emotions that characterized their relationship would they find enough to sustain them besides their handsome features.

I picture them, older now, in a small house, with one of them taking the initiative to tell the other, “I just don’t think I love you anymore…” or something along the lines of, “My needs are being met…” Our culture worships the individual. What do you feel? What do you need? What do you want? etc. As if that is the highest standard by which to measure reality and decisions. But it isn’t.

What is the higher standard in your own words? For me it is God — His glory and Kingdom achieved through our obedience to Him as we remain in close relationship to Him.

“Not my will, by thine,” Jesus prayed.

“I would like to order the book Why?”

“The book Why by Vernon Brewer is available for a donation of any amount; would you like to order it over the phone with a credit card?”

“Yes.”

“May I have your zip code.”

“95979.”

“May I have your last name.”

“Smith.”

“May I have your first name.”

“June.”

“And do you prefer to go by Ms. or Mrs.”

“Mrs. I haven’t missed anything and I’m 92.”

Sometimes you have to be one…to fill back up with energy. I kept my promise to myself today to not commit to anything but to rest. I was going to take a short nap and woke up 3 hours later. I guess I needed it.

Other than that I’ve been sitting at the kitchen table with my wonderful roomie, talking and catching up on my correspondance.