Eclectic Waters

“I worked through my husband’s death from AIDS just as I worked through my menopause. I made healthy choices and kept a positive attitude. It’s called self-help.”

– Susan Mintz

—

After teaching I returned home like a wishbone broken by strong hands. I was not working, and the thought of working brought tears to my eyes. I felt inadequate and incompetent. I made a list. My healing list. I prayed over it. “God, I don’t know what to do to heal, but these are the things I think will help. Please heal me.”

The list: Write - 1 hour, Exercise - 1 hour, Bible - 2 hours

My to do list for each day. I had lost 15 pounds teaching for four months along with my confidence, self-respect and motivation. Death is not always physical.

I don’t think I actually completed everything on the list on any given day. I certainly did not read the Bible for two hours straight. But it gave me a focus, something to do instead of sit and brew the thoughts inside my brain past boiling point. I did begin exercising regularly. The adrenaline from exercising along with getting back in touch with my body, a part of reality, did wonders.

I stumbled across Mintz’s website at work while doing research and when I read this line, I thought, how true. Our mental health is connected to our physical health. I know mine is.

This is why I run -

besides wanting to look super buff and amazing (slight sarcasm - although I am very comfortable in and thankful for the body God has given me). It is strong, capable and can even carry a beat when dancing - now THAT is a gift.

everyday

pushing the boundary

of my brain

to the limit.

What I see

is not

enough,

I know

there is

more

and so

I

seek

question

and wait.

—–

I want to beg you to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a foreign tongnue. Do not seek the answers, which cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live them. Live the questions now, perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.

– found in Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke

I think we may have found an apartment to live in.

3 bedroom/ 2 bath and drumroll - it actually has a washer and dryer!

We’re praying and seeking roomates now.

Over ten people came dancing. As the girls moved down the line of guys, practicing the dance move and then switching partners, I greeted all the people I knew. Half of the them were friends. High fives and teasing comments were switched as we all got ready to dance. It was Rachael’s birthday; she’s 21 now. Despite some dragging of her feet, we got her on the dance floor. She’s my sister and yes, she can move. My bro danced too. He took a little longer to loosen up, but got that focused look in his eyes, hey, we should go dancing tomorrow too! The group of regulars is growing.

—

Lazy mornings are like drinking hot chocolate on a winter evening in front of a fire. Yesterday I stayed in bed until 11:45 am. By that time I’m no longer sleeping but allowing my brain think, dream, process and doze. All the data I’ve gathered during the week gets examined and filed into my brain, like a puzzle being drawn together by magnets. Click click click - until it feels less cluttered.
Since I slept so late, I figured I should stay up late. I also needed to prepare for our Cabo missions meeting today. I learned that the mutlitasking thing doesn’t work for me, at least not if I’m trying to watch a movie. The movie becomes a black hole that vacuumes up my attention until I am wrapped in the story and emotion of the characters. I was in bed by 1:30 am, the latest I’ve stayed up in quite awhile. While teaching I learned that my body actually has limits. Who would have known? But it felt good to push those limits for one night; I intend to go to bed at 9:30pm tonight.