Archive for August, 2007
just in case you were wondering
I’m going to go running right now. Why am I telling you this? I thought I saw the question in your eyes.
What am I thinking? I’m still looking for words, can I get back to you on that later?
8/29
This day was breathtaking -
my boss is back at work – and i love having the piles of work move from her desk to my desk. It keeps me busy and makes my time seem more valuable. Boredom has to be one of the worst things on earth; but as kids we already had that figured out, and “No, i don’t want to do the dishes mom.” Did your mom ever do that? You tell her your bored and she would give you a list of chores that needed doing?
So work was good.
Then I had a planning meeting that was interrupted by Dale Rhoton calling. He is a part of O.M. and a friend of my family. “I just wanted you to know that if you or your sister need anything, please call us. It would be our pleasure to help in any way.” What a gift! The support of people I hardly see anymore and yet express concern and affection for the me.
The planning meeting went well. I’m still learning how to interact with this friend. He keeps telling me to take what he says at face value. But I feel like Benedict in Much Ado About Nothing. It is after he has overheard the false rumor that Beatrice loves him. Shortly thereafter Beatrice is sent to tell him dinner is ready. They have been warring with words since he arrived at her uncle’s house. She makes a snide remark that she takes as much pleasure in inviting him in for lunch as she takes on the point of a knife. He smiles sweetly at her. Disdainfully she watches him, waiting for a cutting remark. When none comes she rolls her eyes and stalks inside.
Benedict, turning away in blissful contemplation, says, “I have come against my will to invite you in to dinner. There’s a double meaning in that!” Of course, we know there was no double meaning. She really does despise him.
Similarly my mind seems wired to search out the hidden recesses behind the words of others – I’m beginning to think about letting this go – but I think it is something that will happen with experience and not trying. Some things only become worse by trying.
Rachael and I then went to visit Ed. A woman was sitting in her wheelchair beside him. She was trying to loosen the blue belt holding her in the wheelchair. We tried to assure her that it was there for a purpose and “look, Ed has one too.” She just looked past us and continued to mumble about needing to get it off and wanting to walk around. We turned our attention to Ed, until we noticed her slowly inchining her shirt over her head.
I guess if you can’t get the belt holding you in the wheelchair, the next best thing is to take your shirt off. Rachael and I exchanged nervous glances and I went to the nurse station. The nurse’s comment on approaching the woman on our return was, “Oh, so now there’s a free show.” She gently pulled the shirt back over the lady’s head and wheeled her away.
The lake was pushed by a slight wind that moved the waves toward the far shore like a silk scarf wrinkling as it falls. We ran well.
The day was breathtaking because it was filled with flaws, conversations, misunderstandings and affection. Sometimes I have to let it take my breath away, instead of saving my awe for the grand experiences. There will be enough of those in the days to come.
Each day holds a glory all its own.
–
Mutti and Dad – I know you read this – so I wanted you to know that I thought of you as I finished this sketch of my thoughts. You are sleeping, so i won’t call.
I am blessed to be your daugther – and you are two of my favorite people.
I love you – Your Dee
this season
The days have been slowing down and I am enjoying the free time. Part of it has to do with the changes coming in the Upper Room and that there is a break in the work I was doing there.
So…I’ve been getting off work at 2:30 and coming home for a 45 minute nap before I get up and decide what to do with the rest of my day.
Let’s just say it’s been great.
like a child
Ed, who is 89 kept trying to wheel himself away from the table.
“You ladies stay here and enjoy the weather. I’m going to go check…inside.”
“What are you going to go check?”
“I don’t know.” He starts trying to turn the wheels of the wheelchair.
“But we want to visit with you.”
“Oh, well I have to go inside.”
He doesn’t remember us, but then he hardly knew us when we worked with him.
“I wanted to tell you a story.”
He turns his face to me, expectant.
“Okay.” His hands return to resting in his lap.
I begin to tell him about the guy’s appreciation night the girls at my church put on yesterday.
—-
The power of story.
It captures us, freezes us. Our minds our pushed to believe the impossible and we long for a good story – with conflict, resolution, fighting, romance…
—-
As I spoke I watched Ed’s glazed eyes. He is a child.
After Rachael explained her work to him, he began to share about overseeing building projects. He spoke in the present tense.
“You have to make sure they are doing it, and that they do it right…”
For a moment, I was able to hold the thought.
It’s not about what I do – even when I am old and in the state of Ed – God will love me just as much as when I am pouring my life in service.
The ray of light was in my mind – but it shone on Ed and it whispered, loved by God.
You are too.