Eclectic Waters

What burdens your heart?

February 26th, 2008

On Christian’s prompt, “What burdens your heart so much that until you do it you will never be free.”

Albatross -

If I were not free, although I am, I would not be free until

I was heard,

until I see my words as a whole,

a story on your shelf.

I would not be free until each day

has been picked up

and sipped like vintage wine.

I would not be free until I have

loved deeply and given myself completely to the ones I love -

until I hear my children’s laughter

and look into their eyes.

I will not be free until I am overswept

by God’s love - freed from who I think I should be -

to be who I am.

I will not be free until I have made my home a place of art and beauty -

a gift I invite friends and strangers into.

——–

My freedom comes

   each time I behold the stillness of profound beauty

             the cliffs on Saturday

             the ocean whispering to me from below

   when I help someone by

            my presence

            my words

            my love.

It comes each time I forgive the person causing me intentional or unintentional pain.

I used to think I would die inside if I did not do something great - achieve something beyond myself.

I still desire this, but my clawing, trying to pull myself up slippery slopes has ceased.

My freedom came with a friend’s words:

Your greatest gift is who you are.

To deepen myself - to allow God to grow me - to be unafraid of the woman I see in the mirror -

to commit to being myself, although I see the shortcomings, fear and failure -

this is the act requiring all my courage

and if I succeed it will be my greatest accomplishment.

———-

Besides this -

I will not rest or be free until I know I have been sculptured by the Potter’s hand, wielded by Him

to heal

       to listen

               to laugh

                          to help

                                      the people around me.

I will not be free until I have unshakable joy and laugther in my soul.

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