Eclectic Waters

I watched a movie three weeks ago that I shouldn’t have watched.

I watched it with friends and I didn’t think much of it. During the movie there were some disturbing images, including a monster/human/being thing that was the most grotesque I have ever seen. I didn’t think much of it at the time.

But after watching it, the image moved into my brain and would hover on the back of my consciousness. I would feel my hair rising on my neck each time I thought of it -

two days later I spent the evening with two dear friends. We always end our times together with prayer.  I felt convicted to tell them about the image that was haunting me - whenever it was dark.

We prayed and it faded, but I still felt the image lurking. I couldn’t figure out why.

Last night I spoke with my friend about diff. spirits and about the power we have in Christ to bind things on earth and to break strongholds the enemy may have on our lives or on the lives of others.

She said something about how by unconfessing sin or by leaving things in our own hearts unresolved - we are giving the enemy a doorway into ourselves and how the enemy can come in - create a thought pattern in us and then leave -

but we continue to be stuck in this destructive thought pattern.

After hanging up, I thought about the monster and I prayed for God to reveal it’s power to me - why was it sticking around?

I allowed my mind to bring up the full image of it and God revealed to me that it’s only power was in my fear - and my mistrust of God and His power.

This image and the power it carried over me was rooted in my fear.

I prayed.

I can’t describe what happened next - but I played a scenario in my head where I was faced with the monster and then I asked God to show me His truth…

God is so much bigger and powerful!!

I realized that even if this creature did exist - and evil does exist… that God is MORE powerful and GOOD and would look out for me. This image and all the spirits of this world have NO POWER over me.

Anyways - you might think I’m crazy - but now all the power/fear that image would conjure is gone.  It is empty and stupid to even spend time thinking of it…

so yeah -

that was my breakthrough last night.

I’m so glad God meets us and reveals His truth to us!!

the pen that i’ve laid down for so long

pick it up

the hope that i discarded along the way

all those years ago.

————

I had a conversation on Saturday I was not expecting.

SURPRISE!

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Starting at the beginning:

My life has slowed down as I felt God asking me to cut out a number of commitments. I began to write my story again; the project I had begun at the beginning of 2008. Each time I wrote, I became raw as I relived the past and tried to capture it. After crying to my sister Lyndsay, I realized that I could not tackle the project of writing without help.

I returned to counseling and was able to connect with a wonderful counselor named Diana.

Before I entered her office I was wary of what it was that God was calling me to. Didn’t I already go to counseling and walk through the healing process for my past? Why did I need to go back?…

and yet I knew I needed to.

Sitting on her desk was a book by Dan Allender, one of my favorite authors.  A small gift from God: you are in the right place, my child.

That was two Saturday’s ago.  God moved a mountain in my life. That’s another story.

But this last Saturday Diana and I had a conversation that changed my perspective.

I told her that I had thought of becoming a counselor in the past and laid out my reasons for not pursuing it as well as my dreams of the future and where my passions lie.

It was such a gift -

to have her address my fears and reveal how counseling may actually be the avenue God is calling me to.

AMAZING!!

I had just reached the valley of contentment and had stopped praying the prayer I have prayed for two years:

God, show me what you made me for? Show me how to use my gifts for your ministry… show me my niche…

and as my prayer faded, I found my answer - and it was as if God hugged my soul and said,

I’ve been listening all this time.

All those times when you felt your words were bouncing off the ceiling back to you -

I heard -

and as I see his expert timing and the intimate knowledge he possseses of me and as he confirms his heart for me and my future -

i am overwhelmed

the deepest part of me has been moved and

reawakened -

i find myself crying for joy as he reveals new insight and wisdom

i am amazed

amazed

at his glory

his wonder

HIM.

feel it filter into your lungs

watch it burst from your skin

until this day

has become the most radiant of them all

and you

are a light, shining into its brightness

God’s done it again.

Dropped a book into my hands that I was meant to read. I find tears in my eyes every few pages and the truth in Richard’s words echoes against the hills of my soul. This book will change me.

Unlimiting God by Richard Blackaby.

I only hope I am ready… but God always makes sure I am.

—

Other books that have changed my life:

- Beloved by Toni Morrison

- How the Garcia Girls lost their Accents by Julia Alvarez

- When the Heart Waits by Sue Monk Kidd

- My Name is Asher Lev & The Gift of Asher Lev by Chaim Potok

—
The books that have changed my life fall into my hands unexpectedly and within their pages I find answers to the questions I have whispered to the night in my heart and find hope for the journey God is calling me do.

It’s time to move

It’s time to be changed…

I am ready.

If there’s a book you really want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.  ~Toni Morrison

What book would you write?