Archive for December, 2008
Rachael’s wedding
My little sister got married today and it was b e a u t i f u l !
I cried when our Dad walked her down the aisle, during the vows and during the foot washing.
It was a great day, but I’m exhausted and off to bed now and looking forward to a FULL week off of work to recuperate 
TASTE the FREEDOM
I think I found the church I’m going to start attending this morning. I went and it was an awesome service, very real and butt kicking
After the service, I drove the beach. I was already half way there.
The sun was warm.
The water clear and cold.
The sand glistened.
Rolling up my jeans, I walked to the water and began to meander along the shore in the shallows.
I cried.
I’m realizing this is just something I do
I cried because of the hope and happiness in my chest.
I am Daddy’s child; His lamb and I thanked Him for His tender care of me. He has broken the chains of my co-dependance and I am free to be myself
questions
emotions
confused nearsightedness
free to be human
to make mistakes
to live
and this freedom has meant the world
I finally believe
in the deepest part of my soul
that I am loved.
I believe God loves me.
I believe my family loves me.
I believe my friends love me.
I used to feel unworthy and small. Distrustful of their affection; it can’t be real.
But now,
I am
and I believe
that God is the author and creator of me.
That my family loves me and my friends love me -
I no longer hide the love in a basket
afraid of it’s light.
My soul has been basking in the light like a smiling lizard on a sunlit rock
and I am overwhelmed by
THANKFULNESS
for this gift of FREEDOM
from my FATHER
my ABBA.
I am His lamb and He is my Shepherd,
my GOOD Shepherd
whom i can TRUST.
I also found seven sand dollars on the beach;
another gift from my God whose love stretches to the heavens.
twirl around the pen
Tonight started with dancing
through the kitchen
baking goodies for work tomorrow (we’re taking turns during the next weeks)…
and continuing to write…
for the first half an hour it was easy to read and type
this is my life
but somewhere after that my fingers began to drag
as my eyes began to cry
and i cry
for my childhood
for myself
as a thirteen year old
trying to figure it out and be strong
and yet afraid
lonely
and unable to express
and unsure of who to address
will anyone hear me?
God has blessed me with great friends right now and a wonderful job where I am loved
and I cry because I can’t believe how far I have come and that the fear of being misunderstood no longer stops the words of my heart…
This year…
To watch the video to this song click here.
Less Like Scars, Sara Groves
It’s been a hard year
But I’m climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it’s
Less like tearing, more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember
And I feel you here
And you’re picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like
Character
Less like a prison, more like my room
It’s less like a casket, more like a womb
Less like dying, more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending
And I feel you here
And you’re picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars
Just a little while ago
I couldn’t feel the power or the hope
I couldn’t cope, I couldn’t feel a thing
Just a little while back
I was desperate, broken, laid out, hoping
You would come
And I need you
And I want you here
And I feel you
And I know you’re here
And you’re picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad, bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars (x3)
And more like
Character