Eclectic Waters

Archive for August, 2009

I just returned from a weekend in Fresno visiting some friends from college and my favorite professor/friend there.

This Saturday I fly to Paris, France to spend time with friends from boarding school and then to spend 3 days exploring the city on my own.

When I return, I am here for a week and then I’m flying to Norfolk VA to attend one of Dr. Jeremiah’s rallies.

In October I’ll be flying to PA with Grant to attend his sister’s wedding. I’m looking forward to seeing where he grew up.

So… I’ll be out of town a lot in the next while. At least for me it’s a lot. After not traveling, except to Cabo once a year, it’s a nice change to be visiting all these places. It also feels strange to think about growing up constantly moving and traveling and how sedentary my life has become since then. But I like my life, and I like the not moving. I can’t believe I’ve been in San Diego almost three years. The four close girl friends I’ve been blessed with are such a gift, as is the job that I enjoy, the co-workers I appreciate, having Rachael living so close, and now being at the beginning of a relationship with Grant.

When I think of traveling, I think of returning. I am thankful to have such wonderful gifts to return to and to be in this place. I try to relish and soak up every moment of this beautiful season.

There’s a quiet, serene confidence in knowing that all things do not stand or fall according to one’s own achievements or the correctness of every decision one makes.

God must weep when he sees us,

cowering away from intimacy and love -

i don’t want to get hurt, we whisper.

He made them and hand crafted Eve from Adam’s side,

for each other,

to be partner’s, to become one.

But then they sinned and suddenly the relationship God had carefully wrought and brought together, became filled with fear and doubt, similarly to their relationship with Him.

They hid behind the bushes,

waiting for reproof, instead of recognizing God’s love. They became aware of their flaws and that of the other, and since then…

it has never been the same.

As a teenager I began to notice that there were people I could share my heart with – the deepest part of me- and that there were people I could not.

I thought of it as soul glimpsing – when you catch sight of the other person’s deep being – the things they would usually hide or edit out of conversations with acqaintances.

Starting a new relationship, it is one of the scariest things. To be fully myself and allow Grant to see the deep parts of my heart – to stop editing and to trust him with my thoughts, quirks and stories.

In the past, I’ve jumped into the water, but because of past experiences and fear, I find myself wading into the water far more slowly.

Tentative

watchful

afraid one or both of us will change our minds about walking forward, together…

—————-

i guess that’s just part of building a relationship

it’s been awhile

and it feels awkward

but beneath the awkwardness and fear there is the quiet voice of hope -

it might be worth it…