Eclectic Waters

the color is creeping back into my life

i’m dancing more

listening to rap in my car - dancing

listening to techno in my room - dancing

listening to aventura in my kitchen - cooking & dancing

in flipping through my Bible this afternoon, I came across this prayer scrawled in the margin dated 6/18/2007.

it captures my heart desire:

God, I pray for a man with a gentle heart, who will be tender towards me and cherish me all the days of my life -

who will respect and honor me as you do -

I pray that you will create a bright and peaceful spirit in me that will awaken adventure, desire and a desire for intimacy in his heart.

Allow us to be a part of your Kingdom - may we give you all we have,

make us clear minded and steadfast, especially in our love for you.

scrawled underneath, i wrote, a self sacrificing man.

But in the space of singleness, I do not know if or when the door to a new relationship will open -

but I’m becoming ok with this -

as I ask God to continue to color my world and re-awaken a vision and thankfulness in me for what I already have.

—-
Sunday morning I was re-reading A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken and it describes the relationship between him and Davy.

“What emerged from our talk was nothing less, we believed, than the central ’secret’ of enduring love:sharing…Total sharing, we felt, was the ultimate secret of a love that would last forever…The killer of love is creeping seperateness…Ceasing to do things together. Finding seperate interests. “We” turning into “I.” Self.  Self-regard: what I want to do.  Actual selfishness only a hop away.  This was the way of creeping seperateness…We would be us-centered, not self-centered…We saw self as the ultimate danger to love, which it is; we didn’t see it as the ultimate evil of hell, which it also is.  We saw only the danger to our love.  Still, we turned away from it, turned away because we loved our love. And we were determined that it should endure.”  (pg 27,29,30)

At church, I was lamenting to God that I longed for someone to have this type of love with - and to create this type of relationship with, and the thought came to mind,

what are you waiting for? God loves you and longs for greater intimacy with you.

I was reminded “For your Maker is your husband. The Lord of hosts is His name; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth.” Isaiah 54:5