Eclectic Waters

Archive for 2009

I moved into an office yesterday and today was my first full day in it. It has a door. It has three four walls and a large window in the one overlooking the Customer Service department. I have left cubicle life. The life of a grey fuzzy wall staring at me from behind my computer. The life of hearing every movement of the people next to me is over. The life of being frightened by the binging of our call monitoring screen is over (ok so its not so bad), but that life is now over.

My office has a bookshelf and shelves above my desk. It also has a bulletin board on one side so I can tack pictures and my favorite quotes up. The rules of cubicle dictated that all personal items had to be limited to a small corner stand. Now there are no rules, within reason that is. This means I can buy a large picture or two for my spacious walls. I can put picture frames on the bookshelf and I can use the full width of the bulletin board. I now have a small home within Turning Point. A space to make my own. A quiet room to think, do my reporting and to brainstorm better ways to serve and equip my team.

I love my co-workers and team! When I talk about them, I tear up. When I tell them how much I appreciate them, I tear up. They make my heart smile and I am blessed to have the honor of leading and serving them! I am blessed to have a job that uses my strengths and where my work goes toward spreading God’s truth, transforming lives. It’s amazing! I couldn’t have picked a better job for myself.

So… the office all to myself is definitely a new experience. Even as a teacher, I had to share my classrooms. Along with the office comes the awareness of the greater responsibilities and expectations being placed on me at work. These last weeks I have felt slightly overwhelmed and am tired by the time 3:30 p.m. rolls around. But I’m glad for the challenge and am excited to see how I will grow through the challenges, make mistakes, and grow some more.

Sunday morning, after a hot shower, I stood over the kitchen sink cutting my bagel in half. It was a cheese bagel. My favorite. I stand over the sink so that I don’t have to wipe up the crumbs from the counter or floor (my roommate is slightly particular about crumbs being left on the surfaces of our kitchen).

Thinking I had the jagged knife firmly thrust through the thick part of the bagel, I exerted the usual amount of effort required to saw the bagel into two halves. Unfortunately, the knife was in the thin upper part of the bagel and when I exerted the normal amount of effort, it broke free and rammed itself into the fleshy part of my hand.

SHIT!

I dropped the knife and bagel into the sink and clamped my other hand over the cut. Hurrying towards the bathroom I proceeded to carefully remove my hand and press a waded stack of toilet paper to the wound. UGH! It looks deep. I wonder if I need stiches. Thinking about whether or not I needed stiches as well as seeing the blood, I began to feel light headed. Am I really going to throw up?

Yes.

After flushing the toilet, I put the lid down and sat on it. This sucks. I’m not getting stitches. With that decided, I scrimmaged through my roommates cabinet. I had seen her take out a band-aid last week and I didn’t have any. Covering the cut with two band-aids, I decided the band-aids were not good enough and began to look for something to hold my hand still and closed because if I opened my hand, the cut would open.

I did not find anything and so I did what any well trained missionary kid will do. I made something.

This something was made of toilet paper wrapped around my hand and packing tape and… well… it was ugly. It looked like a shiny toilet paper cast – which it was. My hand looked like an extra for a scene from the Mummy – which is was not.

I went to church with this contraption on my hand, although when I walked in I was careful to position my sweater over it. Halfway through the service, I carefully slid the ill made cast off, shaking my head. Why did I think I needed this? This is the ugliest thing I have ever seen and it obviously was doing nothing since it slid off so easily. What was I thinking? That was a stupid idea.

Then I laughed. Deanne, you’re silly. Slightly overdramatic.

Yes, but at least I’m creative, I countered back.

True.

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The adventure ended when I met Rachael at Walmart, bought band-aids and butterfly closures and had her secure the cut together.

It is now healing and no longer hurts.

So, I think I’m going to try something new. This year, or for as long as it lasts – I’m going to blog about the different adventures I have.

My definition of adventure:

1. New experiences (i.e. things I have never done or tried before)

2. ALIVE experiences (those times that make you feel alive)

3. Surprises (good or bad)

Let the adventure begin –

I had an amazing birthday! Breakfast with family, lunch with a dear friend who helped me process the remnants of my relationship with Grant (a big part of healing comes in our relationships!!), and then GIRL TIME!! 12 of my friends and I met at a friend’s house to hang out and karoake! Everyone took a turn And then we drove to AMC Theatre and watched New Moon – all of us sitting in two rows. I am pleased to report there was an excessive amount of giggling! It was sooo fun!

The best gifts of the day – time with people I love – and the kind words they gave me – the hugs – and then of course, the gifts they gave – symbolizing their love -

At the end of the day, I fell into bed exhausted, a full smile on my mouth.

Thank you God for this new year! Let the adventure begin!

Reflecting on the last two days…

Sitting with Rachael and Erik playing dominoes. I’m actually having fun? Is this legal? It’s dominoes! In the past when I think of dominoes, I internally yawn – B O R I N G. But thanksgiving morning, with our cups of coffee beside us, bantering back and forth, sharing childhood stories, laughing and just hanging out… I actually had fun. Needless to say, I was surprised.

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I spent thanksgiving with Kathy and her family. We loaded her Dad’s truck with the feast Kate cooked the day before, and after a brief crisis of spilt gravy which was carefully ladeled from the bottom of the cooler back into the serving container, we headed towards Julian. Sitting at a picnic table in the midst of nature, and later taking a walk with Kate and her brothers in which we took turns taking pictures, I smiled. This was not what I had planned to do on thanksgiving, but again, I was pleasantly surprised to feel myself relaxed and enjoying the beauty.

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At 5 I entered the pick up lane at the airport and when I saw Justin walking with long strides towards my PT Cruiser, I grinned, parked, leaped out of the car, and hugged him tightly. I love my family.

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Watched UP for a 2nd time in 2 days with Justin and cried…again. It’s a beautiful story about loss, moving beyond the loss, and the fact that the end of each relationship/adventure can in fact be the beginning of a new one… if we will open our hearts and eyes to see it and embrace it. I highly recommend the movie!

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Today was Christmas preparation day. After a walk around my lake with Justin, the sun warming our faces in the crisp morning air, we headed for Rach’s where she and I listened to Christmas music and prepared some Christmas cards and gifts for our family who are far away from us We miss them. We watched Transformers and played games later in the day.

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Now, listening to Aventura, and about to break out in dance once I finish typing these words, I am caught again in the wonder of life. I love the simple things, the tree dressed in fall colors, the lake shimmering in the sunlight, the sound of Rachael, Erik and Justin’s laugh around the dinner table, sitting close to Rachael, having Justin tickle me, and all the gifts that surround me.

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May my heart never become calloused or so hurt that is is unable to respond to and appreciate these gifts.

May I remain open to the daily adventures and the new relationships that will open before me this year.

May each wound or weight life gives to me be healed and left behind as I move forward.

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Sometimes life seems all uphill and the questions in my mind spin in circles and all I want is to figure it all out and to reach the top of the hill.

Other days I laugh at the questions and float over the ground, feet barely touching. Who cares about the top of the hill when there is so much to be enjoyed today?
Seasons come and then they go. Abba, give me the strength to hold on during dark times and give me the wisdom to know they will not last. They are but a moment.

May I see your face Abba, more clearly each day. My life is yours. Pry my hands open if you must, but make me yours. Show my what it means to be yours. Please speak to me about what you would have me do. More importantly, soften me – so often I sit like hardened clay in your hands – soften me to Your touch that I may become all that You have created me to be – and when I am in the way, gently guide me out of the way so You may have your way.

Without you, I have nothing.

You have life. You are life. Where can I go from you? Who have I in heaven but You?

Life with You is the best life possible – continue to guide me during this upcoming year.

Tomorrow I will be 27, but more importantly I will be with you.

You have promised to NEVER leave or forsake me. When people leave or choose not to be in relationship with me – it is the deepest wound possible to inflict on me -

Thank you that you have promised to NEVER leave.