Eclectic Waters

Archive for February, 2010

The higher up in leadership you get, the more problems you deal with.

Pretty soon, you come into work and it’s as though your desk is covered in turds and that’s all you do all day. Work with turds.

Welcome to leadership.

(I’ll leave the person I got this quote from anonymous, but it did make me smile and yes, it’s true – the higher you go – the more problem solving is involved – fun fun fun)

“you, painting in your room
drawing the shape of your heart
over
and over again.”

- Michael Peets

Does everyone receive joy from creating?

String a line of words together

watch them dangle from a thin line

sunlight filters through their curves

rain may splatter their meaning.

Paint a picture

weaving textured brushstrokes

into a whole.

Create an experience

Laughter in a friend’s eyes

The sound of their heart’s desires and dreams.

Drink in beauty

being still in Another’s creation

When I am at the beach, staring at the waves, I feel I am a part of it all and it is enough for me to simply be -

nothing to prove, nothing to lose -

After wiping each dusty surface and being wrung out numerous times

the rag is hung over the side of the bucket

where it sags towards the ground

dripping.

Today I am the rag.

Tired.

Exhausted.

Needing to get the tears sitting inside out – but they remain un-cried.

–

The last two weeks have included wonderful times with my parents and sister visiting,

work stress,

and then after going non-stop I decided to jet to Fresno for the weekend to get away.

I was looking forward to driving in the sun, listening to music.

Instead I drove in the rain, shoulders scrunched, hoping I would make it there alive as I felt my car hydroplane over small puddles.

In Fresno I met with some of my favorite people – catching up, patching up and opening up new vista’s of friendship.

While it was wonderful, it took more energy than I expected. I like to forget that I am an introvert and I was not a good leader of myself this weekend – setting up a weekend that would leave me returning to San Diego and the work week feeling exhausted.

I knew I was exhausted, but it hit home when I stopped before the grapevine to get a bite to eat. When I re-entered the freeway, I went the wrong way – for forty minutes – before I realized it. I turned around and started back towards the grapevine. As I saw the mountains approaching in the dark, and as the rain began to splatter once again on my windshield, I thought

that’s it! I have nothing left and I am done.

I pulled off at the next exit, found a Best Western and booked a room. First thing on entering the room, I dropped my bags and ran a hot bath. I called the people who would be expecting me to be home or had expected a call during my long drive.

Soaking in the batch loosened my muscles and when I switched off the light a little after 7:30 p.m., I fell asleep.

I woke up at 3:30 and drove to San Diego – hitting more traffic than I expected and got to work at 9:15 a.m.

I hate being late.

–

So, I am looking forward to the weekend and to time alone – preferably at the beach

to run, forget

let go

write

hum songs under my breath

pray

mostly to

be

re-center

and feel energy re-filling my weary and tired soul