Eclectic Waters

Archive for April, 2010

You’d think I was over it. I thought I was. When I learned that he is dating again, everything slowed down. I stopped breathing. Really? You’re already over me, over us. I’m reminding myself it’s not about me – or my lack, my faults… Anyways, this was not what I intended to blog.

Perfect timing: I had clicked on a video a friend as posted when I read the news and what perfect words to minister to my soul. Click here to be encouraged.
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Today I led a man to Christ. True it was not by my witness, but through the ministry of Turning Point, which I am a part of. He called today to inquire about being saved. He was transferred to me because I am the supervisor and the team member who took the call was not comfortable answering his questions. We talked for twenty minutes, in which I explained what it means to be lost, to have Jesus die for our sins, who Jesus is and how to be saved. Then we prayed. He accepted Christ. The tears and then the joy in his voice were amazing! What a blessing to be a part of this man’s journey to knowing Christ!

I want to do more of this!

I’ve been feeling restless this evening. For awhile I’ve been longing for a church home and the solution I came up with was to check out a number of different activities and to try to get more involved. After a weekend of church events, including a community service project and a small group leadership project, I went to bed early Sunday night.

As I drifted into sleep, the thought came, “Don’t fill your schedule with a bunch of flood activities yet…”

Wait.

Dang It! I hate waiting. But I want to listen. And so I am finishing the things I signed up for. Two classes on StrengthsFinder, and the three remaining small group leader training. Then I will wait.

And tonight, after cooking and enjoying B-Q chicken pizza with a beer, I am going to create two lists.

A list of dreams and things I would like to accomplish.

A list of characteristics I long for in a soul mate/ companion.

As I write, I will be articulating the things on my heart and then leaving them in the hands of God. Waiting. Praying.

Committing to move only when I sense Him moving me.

Like Moses, Lord, do not send us from this place if you will not go with us.

Tonight I went out with my small group gals and friends to Shadow Mountain Community Church’s Girls Night Out. The speaker was Tammy Trent. She shared her testimony and story of loss. God’s presence. God’s healing. hope. healing. restoration. grief. pain.

She met Trent when she was 15 and after dating for over 7 years they were married. He was her best friend and consistently sought to love her and push her towards Christ. She described him as someone who spoke life into her soul every day. They loved each other and had plans together. Then when they were on vacation in Jamaica, Trent decided to go diving in the Blue Lagoon. It was September 10th, 2001. He was lost and the search was called off for the night when darkness fell. On September 11th, 2001, the same day the Twin Towers fell, Tammy received a phone call. Trent’s body had been found. You can read more of the story here.

Tammy shared her story and the resounding message: In the midst of despair, grief and hopelessness. God was there. In the midst of losing the most important thing in her life. God was there. God brought comfort and revealed to her that her life was not over, although on many days she felt it was.

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Her message resonated with me because I have felt God’s power, presence, comfort and healing in my own life. Although I have not lost my soul mate (or found him for that matter), there are a number of experiences that have brought me down farther than I thought I would EVER go. Experiences where I felt all I had planned, hoped and poured myself into, stripped away. In my heart it felt as thought I was laying prostrate on cold rock at the bottom of all I was, unable to rise. At times the grief of losing places/people I have loved, of a profession I thought was my calling, has crushed down on me. I have wondered if the pain in my chest would ever cease. I have found myself sobbing, or so numb with pain, I am unable to cry out.

The truth Tammy shared from her life. God IS here. God CARES. God RESTORES. It is also my story.

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It was also beautiful to see her using her voice, gift of communication and personality to reach out to the audience, draw us in and then invite us to draw near to Christ.

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I wept for her because this is not the plan she had in mind, or ever would have chosen for herself, and yet she has surrendered herself to God, all of herself.

It encouraged me deeply.

In the midst of my own life, in this plan I did not have in mind 10 years ago, or that I would certainly not have chosen for myself, I want to be like her. Surrendered.

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Dear God,

Thank you for your work in my life. Thank you for drawing me ever closer to you. Thank you for the trials you have brought me through. Thank you that my life is in your hand’s, that you have pre-ordained good works for me to complete. Thank you for speaking to me, teaching me, growing me and calling me to more than I think myself able or gifted to do. Thank you for filling me. Thank you for revealing yourself to me – for using me.

Thank you for who you are in relation to me. Kind. Loving. Firm. Gentle. Truthful. Thank you for the times you convict me and wound me in order to bring greater freedom and healing. Thank you for being a Creator who is faithful and does not forget me, your Creature and Child.

Thank you for who you are. Glorious. Powerful. Everywhere. Wise. Encompassing. Giving. Loving. Strong. Creative. Amazing. Beyond my imagining. You Are!

Thank you!

Deanne

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My friend Kate was at the event with me. Click here for her thoughts. She is a wonderful writer and a honest and raw human being. One of my favorite.

I went to a meeting for prospective small group leaders through Flood Church and was convicted. Most of the material, I had heard before, through the awesome small group training I went through at Shadow Mountain Community Church, but the part that stood out to me was on the leadership criteria/integrity statement all small group leaders are required to sign.

“to dress modestly.”

As soon as I read it, I thought of my most recent salsa outfit. While I realize it is not outrageous by the world’s standards, it does show cleavage and after reading the statement, I thought of my responsibility as a leader. Is this really a way of dressing I want to condone? What if my small group members came dancing with me – would I be comfortable wearing the same outfit. Because it was with my friend Kate and Daniel & Sandy, I felt comfortable. But I thought of being a leader…

So… I’ll be making alterations to the dress.

The majority of the meeting was information, but I didn’t feel any traction in my heart, or the sense of “this is where I need to be.” And so I left wondering and questioning. God, is this really the church I should settle in?

I hate church shopping. I’ve considered returning to SMCC many times – mostly because of the amazing small group ministry. But I left because I clearly sensed it was time to move out and on…

so… I’m going to continue going to the Flood – I don’t want to become a perpetual church hopper, unable to commit.

I’m hoping clarity will come…

I took part in a city wide clean up day that a couple of churches put together.

The project I worked on involved painting at a community center. I painted a fence for the majority of the morning, from 9:30 to 1 p.m. There were a group of around 20 of us and it was fun working together, chatting, and getting to know more people.

I’m looking forward to getting more involved at The Flood, the church I go to. Tomorrow I’m going to a newcomer’s brunch to find out more about the church, and then tomorrow night I’m attending a training for small group leaders. I’m interested in facilitating a discussion group (7 to 10 people) within one of the community groups they have (30 to 50 people).