Eclectic Waters

Be content with who you are, and don’t put on airs.  God’s strong hand is on you; he’ll promote you at the right time.  Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you.

1 Peter 5:6-7, The message

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the theme this weekend:  g r a c e

yesterday was the sweetest day.  i was able to have breakfast with one of my best friends from Logos II and then from years of corresponding.  Daniel Bastke.  and i got to meet his wonderful wife Andrea for the first time.  i left smiling - so thankful to have friends who even though they are miles away - have an open heart and who are so easy and fun to be around!

then i busily prepared to be ready for the first baby shower I ever hosted, for Kristi Golden.  This would be adventure # 11.  And it turned out wonderfully.  After the baby shower, while I had many favorite moments during the shower, one of the best was after it was done, sitting with Kristi and James, chatting and sharing.  They too are wonderful people - they love God and are so kind and encouraging towards me.  Whenever I spend time with Kristi, I walk away feeling fully heard, acknowledged and loved.
After all of this I spent some time reading and relaxing.  Then I headed back to spend time with my friends Danielle and Janelle (Janelle is house-sitting and a couple of us gals have been crashing there each night to hang out/ have fun), I was overcome with joy.  Tears began filling my eyes as my heart overflowed with a sweet and joyful pain -

I am blessed

I am loved

the sky was fading into night

a ribbon of light pink remained across the tips of the mountains

i swirled up the hill in my car

overlooking a glimmering lake
I am blessed

I am loved

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thank you God

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And then what a blessing to end the day praying with Janelle & Danielle.

Kate and I went to the opening of a new exhibit at the Photographic Arts Museum in Balboa Park.  People were dressed to the nines.   Some seemed to recognize each other as regular attendees.  Kate and I weaved our way through the new exhibit on Rock ‘N’ Roll.   Classic pictures.  Absurd pictures. Haunting pictures.  Disturbing images.  The show was put together by Graham Nash and worth seeing (click here for more on the show).  It will be there until September 26th.

This was one of my favorite displayed.

Barry Feinstein. Bob Dylan.

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In the main hall Hors d’œuvre were served and a lone singer with his guitar stood in the corner singing songs everyone knew and which personified the time displayed inn the picture.  His music drifted over the crowd.  I imagine the room silent, with the people milling around.  Music takes the awkwardness out of room.  Music makes people relax and more willing to engage with one another.  We are no longer breaking the silence, but joining into a sound already made.

A brief speech by the current and the upcoming Directors of the museum, followed by Graham Nash’s 5 minute wisdom ended the night.

“This picture [a young boy of Asian descent standing on a hill in front of apartment buildings, mouth wide, guitar of cardboard, strumming his hand wide into the sky like Jimmy Hendricks] represents what every Rock ‘N’ Roll star once was.  A boy with a dream.  We all dragged ourselves towards that dream,  but at one time we were this boy.”

The simplicity of his words refreshed me.  I hope I never stop dragging myself towards my dreams…

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Questions:

Do you have dreams?  Can you articulate them?

Are you continuing to drag yourself towards them?

splash and slosh the paint

onto the paper

mop it around with your brush

add more until it begins to drop in large gobs onto the ground.

This is your life.

Only you, Master Potter, can form something beautiful from the clay of my life.

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I write lists.   Prioritizing is hard, but if I don’t each bullet receives the same weight and attention.  Tonight I feel as though my brain has finally clicked the above truth into place.  I’m sad to say, I usually treat God like grout.  A filler for any extra space I may have between the tiles of my life.

Each year I return from Cabo altered.  This year it is with the profound realization that I cannot, if I wish to live an adventure with eternal impact, I need God - His wisdom, power and guidance.  He is the only one who holds true life.  This means that I must make God the biggest stone in my life.  I’m sure you’ve heard the illustration.  If you put the water, sand, small rocks and medium rocks in first, the biggest and most important stone’s will not fit into the container of your life.  It is only by placing the largest stones in first, that the rest can shift and settle into place.

Today I wrote another list, but for the first time I didn’t give the first bullet point

- Time with Abba

the same weight as the others.  For some reason the truth I’ve grown up with settled on the floor, the foundation of my heart.  “It’s true.  He must be first.  You must be one with him.”   So much has been stirred in me in Cabo and I’ve been longing for change.

Come, Abba.  Take your place.

Question:

Where is God or your spirituality on your list of priorities? (grout, a medium stone, the largest stone?)

I’ve sung karaoke with my girl friends, but that doesn’t count as the real thing.

On Wednesday night in Cabo, our team went out to eat.  The restaurant looked out onto the ocean, and while we missed the salsa dancing night, it was karaoke night.  It’s been on my adventure list for awhile, but I’ve been too chicken to do it in the past.  When the MC announced the beginning of the night and handed out the binders with the song lists, I raised my hand.   “Just do it,” I told myself. “Don’t think about it, just go…”

Flipping open the binder I began scanning for a song I knew well enough to sing.  Click.  I found it.  I looked around nervously, waited for the MC to continue inviting the first singer to come to the front and when no one went, I got up and walked towards the MC and the microphone.

I was standing in front before I fully realized it.  And then I was telling him the song I wanted to sing, and within seconds was shakily holding the microphone and singing, “Life for Rent” by Dido.  It resonates deeply with me because of how I grew up.

-  Lyrics for “Life for Rent”
I haven’t ever really found a place that I call home
I never stick around quite long enough to make it
I apologize once again I’m not in love
But it’s not as if I mind
that your heart ain’t exactly breaking

It’s just a thought, only a thought

CHORUS:

But if my life is for rent and I don’t learn to buy
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

I’ve always thought
that I would love to live by the sea
To travel the world alone
and live more simply
I have no idea what’s happened to that dream
Cos there’s really nothing left here to stop me

While my heart is a shield and I won’t let it down
While I am so afraid to fail so I won’t even try
Well how can I say I’m alive

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After singing I walked to the table and stood for a moment before sitting.  I felt as though my hands were shaking, and a couple times during the song I had to steady my voice, but when I looked at my hands, they were still.  While I still resonate with the song, it no longer describes my life.  I have found my home in Christ and I am continuing to put down the shield around my heart, letting others in, and I am trying new things - despite the fact that I may fail.
“Good job!” I whispered to myself and smiled.

Now it’s on to the next adventure.

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Questions:

Are you giving yourself the freedom to try and fail?

Do you have the shield around your heart raised or lowered?