Eclectic Waters

leaning over the steering wheel as i drive home i’m tempted to lay my head down, but wait -

i’m driving.

my favorite night time sky -
a full moon awash in a sea of speckled clouds.

-
yesterday i faced a small disappointment and as i was processing through it

the picture that came to mind was:

a messy room with me huddled in the corner.
I usually feel alone in these moments but have become better at asking God to meet me in the room instead of closing the door on Him.
Come in, I whisper timidly from the corner.

He enters.

Before long I feel myself surrounded by His love -

it doesn’t take the sting of what i’m feeling away, but it removes the sense of isolation.

Tomorrow will be a better day.
-

Today was a better day:
*church with Kate

*Balboa Park with a good book and the sun shining on me.

I love people watching and being a part of a crowd. Balboa has so many corners of beauty. I wandered around, listened to organ music and intermittently sat in the shade reading and soaking up the sights around me and the space within.

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Today I realized that the more dissapointment’s I face, the bigger my dreams become.

As though each blow of the hammer, instead of shrinking my dreams, is expanding them.
As though each disappointment were a lung full of air being blown into the balloon of my dreams and
each pop, which I fear will leave me exposed and empty, instead finds me inside a much larger balloon than the previous one in which I stood.

I am exceedingly thankful for the various trials and disappointments I’ve faced, although they have not seemed pleasant at the time.

Today so much inside myself found peace and rest, but it is too deep for words.
-

After Balboa I came home and stretched out on my bed, poured the remaining fragments of my thoughts out to God, and fell asleep.

-

Later, a friend invited me to go to Bing’s in Fashion Valley. The live jazz surrounded us, erasing all thoughts, and we found ourselves smiling, talking and moving to the music.

-

Driving home

leaning over the steering wheel of my car

watching the moon glow in the midst of a cloudy sky,

i felt full. New. Free.

My pockets full of dreams once more.

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