Eclectic Waters

Archive for July, 2010

a quiet evening -

i drove to the beach only to discover i had forgotten my ipod. i hate running without it and so i drove home, and after putting in a load of laundry, curled up on the couch to watch Rang De Basanti. I love watching foreign films if only to listen to the sound of another language and to see the way in which the movie is filmed, outside of the hollywood box. Three hours later, I arose to get ready for bed and sleep.

I’ve been feeling like a cat whose whiskers hold droplets of milk. Full and content. Lazily viewing the future to see what it will hold. This is a vast improvement from the gnawing anxiousness of wondering that sometimes settles in my stomach.
A couple of nights ago, before falling asleep, I lay on my stomach, lamp illuminating my Bible as I read for a few minutes. Psalm 18. After reading the first section, I made a list. God is:
- my strength, my rock, my fortress, my deliverer, my shield, my salvation, my stronghold

Then I sat with it. What solidarity and comfort there is in that truth. He holds us in His hands. Tonight I’m sitting with this truth once more. I want it to entwine itself with my entire self, like a vine settling its roots into the wall of my soul.

He is

strength

our rock

our fortress

our deliverer

our shield

our salvation and stronghold.

strange how once friends or family leave

space opens up around me.

i don’t like it.

i’d rather have it filled with voices and the presence of others.

i keep reminding my eyes to look up – out of the pit of self pity and away from the thought, this is not what i want/where i want to be in life.

i raise my eyes up

as longing gushes out of my chest and
down my eyelashes and across my cheeks

once the longing has been let out

I slowly spread my arms out, fingers creeping forward, into the space
until my fingers find a corner

and then a form -

Adventure is here, and Possibility.

My writing has become silent as my parents and little sister, Lyndsay, have come into town. Whenever they arrive, I am amazed at how the tear in time, that time we spent apart, suddenly heals and it is as if they never left. We have spent an envening sipping wine and smoking cigars. We have sat around the dinner table sharing meals and cups of coffee as we throw our hearts and thoughts around the table. I have laughed more and louder than I have in a long time.

My family brings joy on the wheels of the car and plane they come in.

The joy explodes in my chest, making me smile and at times overwhelming me with feelings of affection and love. I think I might burst. My pen has been silent as I spend time with them, writing this brief time with permanent marker on my heart.

Time

with

my family.

Treasure

from

God.

Please excuse my silence, I will return next week. I am relishing a gift far too precious to put into words, although I have attempted to above…

We only have so much. As much as we wish the day would expand and give us just a couple more hours, it won’t.

I’ve been thinking about my time a lot these last two weeks – the achiever in me has been restless as my schedule fills with beloved friends and as I try to juggle the things I want to achieve with the people I want to spend vast oceans of time with…

Any suggestions on how to make decisions about time management?

So far, I’ve been praying. And thinking about what things are most important to spend time on – and then trying to not control my schedule too much, but leave open space for spontaneity and my beloved friends.