Archive for September, 2010
writing through and into
sometimes when i write about my childhood
i choke
emotions presses against my throat -
is this my life?
sometimes when i write about my childhood
i smile
laughter spilling in and then out of mouth
this is my life!
i write through the sadness
i write into the joy
discovering parts of my story i had not known
examining those i have
-
the purpose of my life
my state of being
my writing -
?
at this time i’m content not to know
I fell in love with dancing when I was 12 –
The day my week rushes towards and sags after is Tuesday…after supper I lose myself in a book to make the time go faster…
When I come to the front of the line, nervousness flutters in my throat but the moment I skip forward it dissolves. I curtsy to my partner… I am flying, whirling and spinning… I imagine I am full of light. It cascades from my eyes and smile, swooshing off my limbs like flickering fireflies.
March 1996. St. Vincent. Logos II.
Excerpts from my writing on Scottish dancing on Logos II.
If I wasn’t feeling under the weather –
I would have more thoughts to share. As it is – I’m’ ff to bed. Hoping this sore throat goes away quickly!
How to be resilient
Just finished chapter 5 in John Ortberg’s book If You Want to Walk on Water, You’ve Got to Get Out of the Boat. His description of resilient people based on research done on those who have faced horrific circumstances, prison camps and the like, inspired me. I want to be resilient!
He then went into a description of Joseph’s life, breaking it into “good” and “bad” parts with descriptions and insight that made me laugh as well as take a moment to digest a truth I had not noticed before. To give you the tag lines of the chapter,
Resilent People…
- -Exercise Control Rather Than Passively Resign
-Remain Committed to Their Values When Tempted to Compromise
-Find Meaning and Purpose in the Storm
After reading I thought about my own resiliency when things get tough. I would love to grow in my resilience and the chapter gave me action ideas.
One of which was a reminder that regardless of what I am experiencing, it is of utmost importance to realize I am not alone in my experience or feelings. Every person, regardless of how successful or ‘together’ they may appear from the outside has experienced them. They are a part of life, of being human and of living in a broken world. Because if I buy into the victum mentality’s lie, I soon find myself:
When life does not turn out the way you plan, you forget that other people face dissapointment too. You may begin to think only about your own hurts. Your world becomes so small that your pain is the only pain you notice. This is the death of the heart, the loss of meaning.
- John Ortberg in If You Want to Walk on Water, You’ve Got to Get Out of the Boat
connecting the dots –
Sharing your heart with someone who not only listens but is going through or has gone through a similar experience is one of the best gifts. It is like completing a ‘connect the dots’ exercise and seeing a picture emerge.
The picture = I am okay. What I am experiencing is normal. I am not alone.
A sigh of relief rises up from my soul when this happens.
—-
Last night my friend Kate and I were able to share where we are spiritually and emotionally in our lives. Resonance. Understanding. While neither of us left with answers, we left encouraged and strengthened to continue on.
While we left without answers, I held one thought Kate shared in the palm of my hand and it has slowly been evolving into an answer of sorts.
“My students were asked to describe faith. It made me think about how I would describe faith. I think faith is when we believe and trust in something so much that we build our entire life around it and on it.”
Kate’s words were encouraging and convicting. I want that kind of faith. If I had to describe my faith now, it is like a small candle struggling for life in a dark cave. It’s like a rock I have one foot one while the other remains uncommitted and unstable.
Kate’s thoughts on faith tied into the quote my friend Carolyn posted on facebook: “What we truly desire, what we are most passionate about, will determine how we organize our lives.” from Good & Beautiful God by James Bryan Smith.