Archive for the ‘Writing’ Category
magic –
I believe in magic. God’s kind of magic. The kind that times the end of Mary and my prayer together with the exit of a man in Starbucks. He pauses, “it’s great to see people praying publicly.”
“Are you a Christian?”
“Yes.”
“Where do you go to church?”
“I don’t right now. I used to be an assistant Pastor. I really should start going again. (Pause) Hey, would you pray for me?”
“Sure.”
I point to a chair and ask if he would like to pull it up to our corner table. He pulls it up and briefly describes what he wants prayer for. A break-up. I think she still loves me… I don’t want to sway the prayer, so I won’t say more, but would you pray for us.
We bow our heads and I pray.
As the words are spoken into the air between us, my heart is breaking for him. His disappointment and discouragement, not just in the area we are praying for but in his life feel palpable and I wish I could put my hands inside his chest and magically heal the wounds, but only Abba can do that. We raise our heads – he thanks me – says goodbye and heads out the door. As Mary and I say goodbye, I think about the timing.
A couple minutes later I pull into the gas station next to the Starbucks and he is at the pump next to mine. As I walk up to pay at the machine outside, he comes up and says, “I should have prayed for you too. Can I pray for you now?”
Sacred. A moment of stillness as he prays for me, thanking God for my heart and asking that God would continue to let His light and love shine through me. My eyes fill with tears. He has articulated my prayer. To be a light. To be used as a vessel of God’s love. While I know I am making a difference, I live in Christian circles: church, small group, work… It was refreshing to see that God can use us anywhere – at any moment.
Magic. God’s magic.
His magic – His son – in me.
writing through and into
sometimes when i write about my childhood
i choke
emotions presses against my throat -
is this my life?
sometimes when i write about my childhood
i smile
laughter spilling in and then out of mouth
this is my life!
i write through the sadness
i write into the joy
discovering parts of my story i had not known
examining those i have
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the purpose of my life
my state of being
my writing -
?
at this time i’m content not to know
I fell in love with dancing when I was 12 –
The day my week rushes towards and sags after is Tuesday…after supper I lose myself in a book to make the time go faster…
When I come to the front of the line, nervousness flutters in my throat but the moment I skip forward it dissolves. I curtsy to my partner… I am flying, whirling and spinning… I imagine I am full of light. It cascades from my eyes and smile, swooshing off my limbs like flickering fireflies.
March 1996. St. Vincent. Logos II.
Excerpts from my writing on Scottish dancing on Logos II.
Identity
Our identity rests not on the opinion of others, rather, it hinges on two things: who we think we are and who we choose to be.
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While as a Christian I know my true identity is found in God’s truth, the lived out reality of my life will rest on my thoughts of myself. What I believe about myself and the things I choose, i.e. how I spend my time, how I will treat people etc,… this will impact and shape my identity.
It’s been interesting working on my book and re-visiting my experience on Logos II as a 12 and 13 year old. Adolescence is tough and it is time when we are figuring things out, developing as an individual. It’s been fascinating stepping back and writing my story – viewing it from a writer’s perspective. I feel lucky to have such a rich and different life to glean from as I shape the clay of this book. I’ve been praying that God would inspire me and give me discipline and courage to write – it is lonely and can be EXTREMELY boring – and I am incredibly thankful that He has answered this prayer. And now that I have finally invited him into the process of writing, I’m excited to continue seeing the story take shape…
seeing myself emerge. The way I saw myself – the identity I formed. A girl from the sea. This is the story I didn’t have the words for and I am now mining for them… laying a line through the woods of my experience…
Thankful for the words I’m finding. Wish me luck!
my writing continues –
I have started working on my book again. It’s so good to have begun again.
Currently I am writing about the voyage from Portugal to Barbados. I’ll be posting random excerpts here and there so the process doesn’t feel as lonely 
“Peering down from the bow of the ship to where her body slices through the water, I see a hammerhead shark. It’s rectangle head is visible in the clear water as it swims next to the ship. I shiver, grabbing hold of the railing just to make sure I am here, above the water, safe.”
