a) we are super cute

b) we showed incredible Padres’ spirit and gear (I had a hat and Julie had a hat) while jumping up and down and dancing wildly

c) the camera man thought we were amusing

d) all of the above  (hint - this is the correct answer)

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In the course of the first seven innings Julie and I appeared on the screen 4 times as the camera man directly in front of us captured our incredible dance moves.  They were mind blowing and beyond description as we have both practiced extensively in the privacy of our rooms and cars.  Car dancing is also an extremely cool and effective way to hone your dancing skills, as both Julie and I will attest to (free advice for all of you want to be famous people out there).

Then at the 7th inning stretch as we were walking back to our seats with our recently purchased ice-cream, a different camera man caught us on camera dancing with our ice cream.  What can we say,  our camera greatness is easily recognizable and that’s right - Julie and I were on the big screen FIVE TIMES.  

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The kids sitting next to us (three young boys) were so jealous, we started dancing next to them to try to help them become amazingly famous like us (we are so kind).

And as we were leaving the stadium, two ladies actually came up and said, “weren’t you two on the screen?  You got a lot of camera time tonight…”

That’s right.  We did.

Because… well - we’ve already listed the reasons.

i’m driving.

my favorite night time sky -
a full moon awash in a sea of speckled clouds.

-
yesterday i faced a small disappointment and as i was processing through it

the picture that came to mind was:

a messy room with me huddled in the corner.
I usually feel alone in these moments but have become better at asking God to meet me in the room instead of closing the door on Him.
Come in, I whisper timidly from the corner.

He enters.

Before long I feel myself surrounded by His love -

it doesn’t take the sting of what i’m feeling away, but it removes the sense of isolation.

Tomorrow will be a better day.
-

Today was a better day:
*church with Kate

*Balboa Park with a good book and the sun shining on me.

I love people watching and being a part of a crowd.  Balboa has so many corners of beauty.  I wandered around, listened to organ music and intermittently sat in the shade reading and soaking up the sights around me and the space within.

-
Today I realized that the more dissapointment’s I face, the bigger my dreams become.

As though each blow of the hammer, instead of shrinking my dreams, is expanding them.
As though each disappointment were a lung full of air being blown into the balloon of my dreams and
each pop, which I fear will leave me exposed and empty, instead finds me inside a much larger balloon than the previous one in which I stood.

I am exceedingly thankful for the various trials and disappointments I’ve faced, although they have not seemed pleasant at the time.

Today so much inside myself found peace and rest, but it is too deep for words.
-

After Balboa I came home and stretched out on my bed, poured the remaining fragments of my thoughts out to God, and fell asleep.

-

Later, a friend invited me to go to Bing’s in Fashion Valley.  The live jazz surrounded us, erasing all thoughts, and we found ourselves smiling, talking and moving to the music.

-

Driving home

leaning over the steering wheel of my car

watching the moon glow in the midst of a cloudy sky,

i felt full.  New.  Free.

My pockets full of dreams once more.

barely broken through the earth

nodding its head at me -

and with two sentences

is smashed.

i wonder what kind of flower it could have been

but now

it is dead.

PS:  lol and then the song that comes on my pandora dance station is basshunters “I know you know” - made me laugh.  I’m off to salsa dance - no more serious thoughts for tonight, instead i’ll get lost in the rhythm of my feet on the dance floor.

As they were leaving the mall and making their way to the car, the young boy looked up into his father’s eyes and said, “Sing it again, Daddy.  Sing it again!”…

The words of my heavenly father are not tiresome, but instead remind me of God’s faithfulness.  Like the young boy, I love to hear my heavenly father’s voice…

I am grateful for the moments when God draws my heart back to his.  Like the young boy, my spirit cries out, Sing it again, Abba. Sing it again!”

-

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The second book I found at the airport was The Outside Boy by Jeanine Cummins, about a Pavee gypsy in the 1950’s.  It too whispered at me as I stood beside my luggage in the bookstore on my way to Cabo.  A young boy, having lived on the road all his life, settles briefly by a town to complete his confirmation.  The ever changing landscape of his growing up along with his desire for a town to call his own resonated with me.  I don’t want to give away the end - but in it I saw similar traces to my growing appreciation for the way in which I grew up, along with an appreciation for the open road.

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A short sample of the writing.  Christopher looking at a painting:
“It robbed the breath clean outta my chest when I seen it.  In a bleak and windy field, a single hungry house stood by the sea.  Boulders surrounded the little house like a gang of yawning skulls.  I could see only the back of their heads, but I heard their desperate accusations; I felt their appetites.  Hungry, ravenous, famished famine-heads.  I knew them; I knew every word of their hunger. (pg. 90)

i drove to the beach only to discover i had forgotten my ipod. i hate running without it and so i drove home, and after putting in a load of laundry, curled up on the couch to watch Rang De Basanti.  I love watching foreign films if only to listen to the sound of another language and to see the way in which the movie is filmed, outside of the hollywood box.  Three hours later, I arose to get ready for bed and sleep.

I’ve been feeling like a cat whose whiskers hold droplets of milk.  Full and content.  Lazily viewing the future to see what it will hold.  This is a vast improvement from the gnawing anxiousness of wondering that sometimes settles in my stomach.
A couple of nights ago, before falling asleep, I lay on my stomach, lamp illuminating my Bible as I read for a few minutes.   Psalm 18.  After reading the first section, I made a list.  God is:
- my strength, my rock, my fortress, my deliverer, my shield, my salvation, my stronghold

Then I sat with it.  What solidarity and comfort there is in that truth.  He holds us in His hands.  Tonight I’m sitting with this truth once more.  I want it to entwine itself with my entire self, like a vine settling its roots into the wall of my soul.

He is

strength

our rock

our fortress

our deliverer

our shield

our salvation and stronghold.

space opens up around me.

i don’t like it.

i’d rather have it filled with voices and the presence of others.

i keep reminding my eyes to look up - out of the pit of self pity and away from the thought, this is not what i want/where i want to be in life.

i raise my eyes up

as longing gushes out of my chest and
down my eyelashes and across my cheeks

once the longing has been let out

I slowly spread my arms out, fingers creeping forward, into the space
until my fingers find a corner

and then a form -

Adventure is here, and Possibility.

My family brings joy on the wheels of the car and plane they come in.

The joy explodes in my chest, making me smile and at times overwhelming me with feelings of affection and love.  I think I might burst.   My pen has been silent as I spend time with them, writing this brief time with permanent marker on my heart.

Time

with

my family.

Treasure

from

God.

Please excuse my silence, I will return next week.  I am relishing a gift far too precious to put into words, although I have attempted to above…